i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
