Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
