I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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