we have pet lesbian snakes
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And then he peed in my hair
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