hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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