In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i would punch a child for taco bell
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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