Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I forget how to act sober
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
