i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
