i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
