dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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