I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
