I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
