well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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