Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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