apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
