i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What a dumb baby whore.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
