that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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