but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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