woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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