Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
