I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
