zippers are such a cool invention
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
