I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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