i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
