what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
