Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
