yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
