Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize