You're completely useless in the revolution.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
