so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
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Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
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I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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