Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
