i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
