remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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