I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
