I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
