i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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