i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
