I forgot how hot balto sounded
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
