I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
