In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
