i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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