theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
