you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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