When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
