omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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