if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Verdict: uncircumcised.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
