I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
