gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
