she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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