so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
