she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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