Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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