I bet he comes in French.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
