once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
