what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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