Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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