$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
