Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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