I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
