It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
