my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
