she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
