They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
