So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
