Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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