either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I sprained my soul last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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