I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she smelled like a LAN party
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
