i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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