Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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