we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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